My New Year’s Reflections

“Random is the moment a horse at full speed has all four hooves off the ground, This is the original meaning of the word. It refers to the unbridled passion to the lift that results from total immersion and surrender.” Awakenings, Mark Nepo

How has the word “random” mutated into more of a bad connotation in terms of “without design, method or purpose”? In a world that is becoming increasingly out of control, we have sought to find more control in all areas of our life. This results in suffering because we have so little real control over any aspect of our lives, except how we react to stress, adversity, and to situations that did not go the way we expected.

I had a blog written to post on New Year’s Day chronicling the difficult year I had last year with my dad’s suicide, the loss of a trusted life coach, friends and family diagnosed with life threatening situations, and the loss of a couple of high school friends. I had finished the blog with my optimism for 2020 so I could put that year behind me, but I chose not publish it for some reason.

It was already to go and then I found out about one more friend that took his life on New Year’s Eve, on January 2nd, and I was paralyzed once again as his family has been like family to me for 20+ years. Yesterday a friend called me to let me know another friend, who I had not been in contact with for years but had been a very important part of my life for many years, passed 2 days ago. I must admit I felt a bit numb to this one as the sense of loss around death has felt overwhelming for a couple of months now.

As I sit here writing, I am shedding tears for all of the people that were effected by all of this tragedy but I am humbled by my sense of peace that there is a force beyond my understanding that says none of this is random. One of the reasons I started Soulutions for Food was to be able to speak more about my faith and spirituality in a universe that is not random but perfectly orchestrated for our soul’s growth. That has been the only thing that has helped me rise above the sadness and overwhelm of 2019 and not get mired in the fear and lack of control I have felt.

In the area of quantum healing, one of the common denominators you see in “spontaneous healing” is a belief in a higher power or something that is beyond our understanding. Conversely in this area, some of the new science in epigenetics suggests that we are carrying experiences in our DNA that we are passing on through generations. For any of you who follow Louise Hay, which I do, she attributes all sickness to emotions and feelings about life and/ or the stories and meaning we give to events that are out of our control when they are not fully felt.

Trying to understand tragic events, a world out of control, and the “randomeness” of life is what our human minds try to do to find comfort, yet that is what leads to our suffering. My faith allows me to not have to understand a world that I cannot wrap my mind around that seems to be focused on fear and hate. Grief is different for everyone, and I have been paralyzed by the overwhelm. I have also had the story that I need to “buck up”, get over it and move on that has led to me not fully feeling everything in a way that allows it release from my body.

I believe there are somethings you will never completely get over, and that’s ok. Allowing the sadness and feelings to wash over you in the moment, I believe is key to releasing them from our bodies. Depression and anxiety are rampant in society right now, especially in young people, and mental illness is on the rise. Is it possible that the stuffing of our feelings or a society that is uncomfortable with those feelings is playing into that? I think the answer to that question can only be found in your heart and not from a study or medical practitioner.

As I struggle to wrap up this blog, I want to share with you that despite the overwhelm of 2019, I feel more resilient and content then I ever have in my whole life. My method of avoiding my feelings in the past, was to busy myself, “spin plates”, and exhaust myself to the point of not having to feel. My faith has allowed me to sit, feel, and, most importantly, not try to “understand” which results in a story that gives meaning beyond the event itself. I believe this is what stays in our cells as quantum physics says 99% of the world is energy and not matter. This first week of the new year has shown me that life goes on and challenging things are going to continue to happen, but I am comforted by the fact I can also find blessings and hope despite living in a world that is completely beyond my control.